So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
