they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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