Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
