I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
