A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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