Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
