Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
