a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
