Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
