when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize