I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
