hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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