My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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