wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
