When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
