Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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