he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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