HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
