babies were throwing up all over the place
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I need to calm my uterus...
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
