I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
