So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Rumble strips road head = magical
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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