Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm both gender and math confused
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
