so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Randomize
