Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
