Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
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you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
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We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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