and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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