need another drink. this is the easiest way
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
