She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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