I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I checked into jail on foursquare
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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