I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
You did what with his pubic hair?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
