flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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