My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize