Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
