Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
