how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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