I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
