well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I can't put those talents on a resume
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
