The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
