I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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