First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
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Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
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You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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