A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
