I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
