im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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