Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
