puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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