I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize