I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
