Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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