i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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