Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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