Capitaan dildo arrescate!
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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