You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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