dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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