Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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