In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
