I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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