Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
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i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
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Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
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