There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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