Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
