Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
