i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You dont lie about slip and slides
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
