I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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