i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
