My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
So here I am, sexting at work.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
