i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i love accidental penises.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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