Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Randomize